Stay Strong: The Troubled
by Mashid
Summary: Seunghyun: A spoiled rich boy whose life is not his own to control. Seungri: A high school student whose life is in constant threat. Jiyoung: A college dropout whose life is in a constant turmoil. What do these three boys have in common? They all desperately want- need to be in control. They want their lives to truly be their own.
1. Chap 1: Choi Seunghyun

**T.O.P's POV.**

I looked out to the ocean of heads. Bobbing up and down they were cheering my name. They were calling for me. This is all for me, I thought. Millions of eyes were on me cheering me on. It was my big debut. It was finally my chance to shine. My chance to finally be myself. I stepped out to the stage, the bright light shining down. I felt the heat from the bright lights sweep over me. I took a deep breath, lifted the microphone my face, and started to rap:

_Michin kkum-i iss-eoss-eo nan_

_Guwon-ui bichjulgileul kkumkkudeon bam_

_Jeolm-eun santteusham neomu tteugeobda geu an-e deo tteugeobge dalguni_

_I never fall out_

_Naeil-i olkka ready or not_

_Kkum-eun middeon soseolgaui sonja_

_Mom-i heoyaghadamyeon chelyeog-eun deo danlyeonsikimyeon dwae_

_Myeongsang-eulo yeonghon-eun saljjiwossne-_

I smiled a wide grin waving my hands through the air. I let the track play for a little bit to listen to the audience's cheering:

**_T.O.P! T.O.P! T.O.P, TOP Choi Seunghyun!_**

The chants from the crowd gave me an overwhelming joy. The feeling spread out throughout my whole body. Swaying to the beat, I continued rapping:

_Dallidagado nun tteseon andoeneun baegmileo_

_Eonjena bang-eohadeus geoji nundongja anymore_

_Geuttaeneun teomunieobs-ido midneun jeolm-eun-ido gidaenjeogdo issjyo_

_I'm sorr-_

**_T.O.P! T.O.P! T.O.P, TOP Choi Seung- BEEP!_**

All of a sudden the cheering turned to beeping noises to the beat of the fan chant. I stopped dancing and looked out to the crowd frowning. What the heck..

_**BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!**_

I peered out to the audience to see what was going on. One by one the audience was replaced by thousands of clones of my butler Moon Yongki.

"Master~",they all said in unison, "Master~"

"Master, Master!"

I rose from my sheets to see Mr. Moon standing over my bed and shaking me slightly.

"Aish seriously! I don't want to get up." I said groggily, slightly disappointed. It was all just a dream. The audience, the chanting, and me finally getting to be myself, was all just a glorious fantasy. I sighed deeply, "What time is it?"

"It's 6:30 A.M. Master."

"Ah! Why so early?"

"It's Thursday Master"

I shot up in my creme king-sized bed. Crap! Park Bom comes to take me to my classes today. Don't get me wrong, I love Noona- just not in the way she wants me to. We've been friends since we were little. We were always together every chance we got. Inseparable. Because of this, I've always thought of her as a noona, never been anything but friends. Things have been that way up until recently when we heard the talk between our parents. She been acting strangely ever since...

***FLASHBACK***

"Hey! Give that back!" yelled Park Bom through the empty corridors of the mansion,"That's my secret journal!"

"Never! I'm gonna read all your precious secrets!" I yelled with a playful laugh. I ran down the long and empty corridor. Our laughs and screams echoed throughout the hall. I peaked behind my shoulder with a smile, watching Bom heave with exhaustion. I love messing with Bom Noona. She's so cute when she get's worked up like this.

"Hey Noona, aren't you a little old to be writing in a diary?" I shouted, waving the journal around in the air.

"Shut up Seunghyun! And it's not a diary, it's a journal!"

I quickly turned the corner to avoid her, "Boy Noona, for your age you sure are fast!"

I yelled,"But I'm still faster!"

Although this was true, she was steadily gaining on me. I decided to direct the chase to the game room. I soon realized this was a bad idea and ended up cornering myself.

"Haha, ok noona," I said laughing with my hands up," I give up. You win."

"Aish! You little-" said Bom while snatching the journal away. "Never do that ever again!" she yelled as she leaned against the wall accidentally pushing the intercom button.

"Hehe. Ok I wi-" I stopped my self upon hearing the adults' voices, "Wait shush Bom." I strained my ears at the voices. That sounds like our parents. "Sounds like the adults are talking," I said mischievously.

"-And since Seunghyun is the heir to the infamous Choi empire and Bom is the heir to the notorious Park family, together our empires would be unstoppable," said Bom's father.

Together? Are they talking about what I think they are talking about... "Ya!" interjected Bom, "It's rude to eavesdrop. And did you just call me Bom-"

"Shush Noona,' I said as quietly as I could, "Their conversation sounds important," I said curiously.

"So," said Bom eomma, "An arranged marriage between Seunghyun and Bom would be perfect for business. Think of it as a merge between companies."

Bom and I looked at each other with wide eyes. "Arranged marriage?!" I whispered in shock, "Did you know about this?" She shook her head abruptly.

"All we need," continued Bom's mother, "is your consent and their cooperation."

"Hmm," pondered my appa, "I think that's a brilliant plan. What do you think honey?"

"What?!" I whispered. I hope Eomma will talk some sense into him. "Please say no Eomma!" I prayed silently. I know if Eomma disagrees, Appa would dismiss the idea as ridiculous.

"Well if it was any other girl, I would disagree to this," started my mom.

"Crap. I sense a but coming in," I whispered to Bom. I looked up at her. "Noona?" She has such a distant look on her face, like her mind was somewhere else. I just shrugged it off.

"But," continued Eomma, "Seeing the great bond between Seunghyun and Bommie, I think they would probably like the idea too, especially Bommie!" Bom blushed at that. What's wrong with noona? She's acting weird all of a sudden. Like she... approves of this?

"Excellent!" said Bom's father "All we need to do is have you too sign this marital agreement and get Seunghyun to sign it. We already got Bom to sign it."

"What!?" I shouted in disbelief. I turned to her quickly feeling betrayed. "You signed it already?! So you did know about this!"

"Sorry?" she said nervously.

"What the heck man! So now you guys are planning this aspect of my life as well?!" I shouted angrily, "I can see my parents and your's doing something like this, but you?" I turned away from her in disgust. I was shaking. My fists were balled. I was fuming mad.

"I complain to you all the time about how my life is controlled by our parents. How they make me do all these extracurricular activities I hate, how they planned which college courses I took, how they planned my career, not once asking me what I wanted to do."

Tears were beginning to surface. I tried to blink them away but they just poured out . "After all that I thought, 'Oh well I'll at least get to choose my wife, someone I love.' Wrong!" I sighed rubbing my eyes, "I don't even get to do that."

"Seunghyun I-"

"No! You know what? No. I thought I could trust you to not try to control me, but I see that was wrong. You're just like them." I glared at her hard before storming off to find my parents.

"Eommoni! Abeoji!" I shouted storming into the room where their meeting was being held with Bom following closely behind.

"Ah! Seunghyun we were just about to call you in-"

"Appa! Eomma! I'm not going to marry Bom Noona! You guys might have controlled everything else in my life, but I'm picking who I marry."

"Oh Seunghyunie, you may not love Bommie now but you'll soon grow to love her-"

"No I won't! Loving Noona in that way… It's just weird-"

"What's so weird about it! Huh!" said Bom finally speaking up. She was shaking violently with her fists balled. Her ears and face were bright red. "We've been friends for years, Seunghyun! You're saying I'm the only one that has developed feelings?!"

The room went dead silent.

Surely she wasn't trying to justify at this? _SURELY_ she wasn't trying to turn this around on me? Now I feel even angrier, yet... somewhat... confused? "Noona what are you even-"

"Fine Seunghyun! You might be too immature to love me now, but I love you, and I'm going to make you love me! Abeoji, Eommoni I'll leave first." And with that she stormed off.

***END OF FLASHBACK***

Ever since that day Bom has been super nice to me and always trying to be around me. It was sorta nice at first, but it's starting to get suffocating. She comes to pick me up at 7:30 on Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays. I've been waking up early for 3 weeks now to avoid her.

" , It's time to start your daily route."

"Ne." Every morning Bom is suppose to pick me up, I get up at 6:30, get ready and go to my classes.

I was getting out of the shower when a familiar voice rang out, "Seunghyun-ah!"

Crap! She came early. "Hey Noona…" I said discouraged.

"Still sleepy? Wake up Seunghyunnie." She said cheerfully.

"Oh god" I sighed. I breathed in deeply and out again. This is gonna be a long day.

**A/N:**

**Hey guys! **

**First chapter of the re-done story is now up! I'm so happy I decided to rewrite the story. It's so good in my head, but I don't think I was conveying the story correctly or as well as I can now. Who knew someone's writing could improve so much in just two years! Certainly not me! Lol. If you like the story so far make sure to favorite and follow to be notified of the next chapter! **

**Peace and love~**

**MAshid Author-nim**


	2. Chap 2: Lee Seunghyun TRIGGER ALERT

**AS YOU CAN SEE IN THE TITLE, THIS CHAPTER HAS A TRIGGER ALERT SO ANYONE WHO IS TRIGGERED BY SELF-HARM OR ABUSE, HERE IS YOUR WARNING. I DON'T WANT TO CAUSE ANY ANXIETY ATTACKS! UNLESS I JUST DID BY TYPING THE WORDS. I DON'T REALLY UNDERSTAND HOW THAT WORKS BUT IF THAT IS THE CASE THEN IM SO SORRY. I REALLY DID TRY THOUGH. IF YOU NEED TO SKIP THIS CHAPTER, BUT STILL WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED, JUST PM AND I'LL TELL YOU IN WAAAYY LESS DETAIL. OKAY ONTO THE STORY NOW. **

**Lee Seunghyun's Pov.**

"You worthless ungrateful piece of shit!" yelled my father as he slammed me against the wall and slapped me across the face. I yelped at the sharp pain on my cheek and already bruised back. _Weak._

"I provide for you! I took you in when your mother died! I even pay for your tuition!" he said punching me with every verb, "And you can't even get good grades!" He slurred his words in his drunken rage, staggering back and forth and side to side.

"I'm sorry Appa. I'll do better next time-" With every word I was quivering and shaking. Tears could barely escape my puffy black eyes. _Pathetic,_ I spat.

"You always say that!" he said punching me in the stomach and onto the floor. My tousled black hair lay out on my forehead clinging to my sweat. The tiny bit of tears that had escaped my eyelids blotted down onto my stinging cheeks.

"Appa, I did bring my grade up-" I pleaded clutching my gut. I was shaking more violently now. I felt a pounding pain all over my body.

He glared down at me with eyes filled of hatred and insanity."Are you back sassing me now?!" He began kicking me in the stomach and groin.

"No Appa. I- AHH!" I shrieked out in pain. _Stupid,_ I hissed to myself.

"What. You gonna cry?! Fine. Cry like the little bitch you are!" He kicked me one last time, staggered away, and left me in the room alone crying in pain.

My head was splitting and my body ached, though the only emotion I could register was regret. I slowly rose and sat upright against the wall, hugging my knees into my chest. I should have done better I screamed at myself. I should have done better, I should have done better, I repeated over and over again in my head. Soon I was cry, rocking back and forth, pulling on my hair, and screaming out to the pale, blue walls. "I should have done better! I should have done better!" I cried until my voice became hoarse.

I lay on the floor, face wet with tears, snot and blood. I crossed my arms, hugging myself to calm the tremors, clenching my teeth and squeezing my eyes tightly. I lay in that fetal position for an eternity before the pain finally began to recede. I inched over to the long, beige couch and pulled myself up. Fumbling onto my feet I attempted to stand. After gaining my balance I limped toward my room. I stumbled into the connecting bathroom and gripped onto the face basin. I looked up at the mirror and examined my new bruises. My eyes were wet, puffy, and black. I had a busted lip and a bruise on my collar bone. I pulled up my shirt to reveal a few bruises on my chest and abdomen. I didn't even have to look to know of the bruises all up and down my legs.

Ugly, I thought, That's what I am. Just like my dad says. I'm a worthless waste of space.

I opened the mirror cabinet and shuffled through, knocking everything down in the process. **_Clink!_** went an object as it fell first onto the countertop, then_** Clink!**_ onto the floor. I hastily picked it up. My hands shook terribly as I pulled back my sleeve, and put my arms over the sink. I stared at my old scars and read the sloppy Korean characters aloud.

"Pitiful, trashy, good-for-nothing, sleazy, cheap, no good son of a bitch." I frowned at my scars. All names I've been called either by my father or others. These scars are like permanent reminders of what was wrong with me. Like... little notes for self improvement. I laughed a dark, hysterical laugh.

Steading the razor, I began writing on my skin. I watched the blood ooze out of the sloppy, Korean characters as the feeling of release overtook my mind. The hysterical laughs became darker and louder as I continued to slice away at my skin. Stupid pathetic little bitch, read the characters. That's what I was according to my dad, right!

I drug the sharp blade across my skin, going deeper by the second. When I came down to my wrist I hesitated, hovering the blade above my artery. I could just end all of this right now. I'll be with my mom in heaven and have a normal life again. I could run away from all this abuse and be in a land of everlasting bliss. With the flick of my wrist I could finally be happy again. I inched the blade closer and closer to the vein. A deep longing and intent suddenly washed over me. I was about to cut deeper when my hand frozen. My mind is tell my hand to move, but my heart just won't let it. But why? This is what I want! I want- need to be with my mom again. Just like the good old days. But... Jiyoung...

I pulled the blade out of my skin and examined my handiwork. Blood ran down my arm, over my wrist and dripped into the sink. My hands were shaking again and I felt a hot liquid running down my cheek. More regret. Why? Why do I do this to myself? My laughs turned into violent sobs. The was another **_Clink!_** as I dropped the razor into the sink. I washed the blood on my arm away. I grabbed a bottle of alcohol from under the sink, braced myself for the pain, and poured it onto my open wounds. "Ah- AHH!" I yelled, clenching my teeth. I wrapped my arm up with some tissue and limped into my room. I collapsed onto my bed, not even caring about the still bleeding wounds. I secured my pillow to my face and sobbed, muffling my cries. As I wept, just four words swirled through my head.

_Weak. Pathetic. Stupid. Regret_

***THE NEXT DAY***

I woke up to pain at over my body- not that that's a new feeling. I got out bed and nearly fell down on my first step. The pain from yesterday came rushing back. I limped to the bathroom and unwrapped my bloody bandages, examining my appearance in the mirror. My bruises had swollen and my cuts had began scaring. Just like the pain, the regret came back.

I started at myself in disgust. _Ugly. _Just ugly, I thought. Why did I do that? I'm so stupid. That probably why Appa hits me. I bet he didn't hurt my brother like this. Why can't I be more like him instead of worthless me.

I jumped it the shower and just let the steaming, hot water hit me as I stood there with my head down. My cuts and bruises stung under the shower's harsh embrace. I stood there for what seemed like forever before I heard a ringing sound.

I lifted my head quickly. "Crap." I completely forgot I was getting a ride today. I rushed out of the shower and to my wardrobe and picked out one of my many sweaters and a pair of sweatpants. I can't wear jeans much because of my bruises. I quickly got dressed and sped to the living room.

"Morning Lee-sshi," said a familiar voice.

"Oh Jiyoung-ah! Nice to see you," said my dad in his fake nice voice, "Seunghyun will be right out."

"Hey Ji!" I said rushing into the living room. "Well we better hurry hurry hurry. Can't be late for school. Bye Appa!" I said pushing Ji out of my house.

I really hate it when Jiyoung comes to my house while my dad is home. I'm probably just being paranoid, but I always feel like my dad it gonna hurt him too. Make him like me.

"Seunghyun, why do you always rush me out of your house?" he said with a chuckle.

"I do that?" I laughed nervously, "Never noticed..."

Jiyoung-hyung doesn't know my dad hurts me. Of all the people I lie to about my scars and bruises, he's the only one I hate to lie to. He's the only person I know will be there for me. I bet if he was going through what I am, he'd tell me first. He's told me about everything else in his life. I could write a book about him, but he doesn't know half of what goes in my life.

"Hey Seunghyun?" he asked as he started up the car.

"Yeah Ji?" He sighed causing me too look up at him. "What is it Ji?"

"Seunghyun...I know about your father." he stared at me before continuing, "What he does to you."

I froze. A wave of fear washed over me. But why? What could possibly be scary about people finding out? Especially Ji-hyung... "W-What are you talking about Ji?"

"You don't have to keep pretending. I've been watching your actions closely lately. You always stand far away from you dad, you walk with a slight limp that you try to hide, you never invite me over even though I'm your best friend, and you have a black eye for god's sake! Everyone knows. So quit pretending you're alright and that nothing's happening to you."

I was speechless. Everyone knows? How could everyone know? I try so hard to hide it. To seem normal... Wait a minute- How did Ji know everyone knows?

"So you were talking about me behind my back-"

"Seunghyun, that's not the point." he interrupted in a serious tone, "Don't try to change the subject. We need to talk about this."

I crossed my arms "Is that why you drove me to school today? To trap me and make me tell you everything."

"Well, yeah. It was. I know you aren't going to tell me otherwise. Seunghyun," he started, "you know I care about you-"

"You don't care. You're just curious!" I turned away from him, "Stop pretending, you know what's going on in my life! You don't know! You'll never know how I feel. You'll never know what I'm going through..."

He pulled over to the side of the road before turning to me and staring at me for what seemed like forever. He frowned. "What are you even _saying_ right now? Yeah I am curious you dork, I'm your best friend! You think I can just stand on the sidelines and watch my best friend get hurt on the daily? By his own father?!" He sighed. "Look. I may not know what you're going through," he said softly, "but that's what I'm trying to figure out. I'm here for you just like you're always there for me. Just let me help."

I still wasn't convinced. "How could you possibly help me?"

"Well for one thing, if you had someone there for you to talk to you probably wouldn't feel the need to cut."

I was taken aback. How did he know I cut?

He pulled his jacket sleeve up. He began rubbing his arm, as faint scars became visible.

"Ji... You-" I began.

"These are from about 5 years ago. They're the last cuts I made," he said pulling his sleeve back down while looking down. "Trust me. I know how you're feeling. You feel worthless and desperate for escape, so you cut and cut for a short release only to find that you're still in the same situation. " His hands shook as he talked. "The only thing that changed is that you have scars all over your body. So instead of just being worthless, you're worthless and ugly, making you cut more."

I stared at him as tears began forming in my eyes. "Ji. H-how come you didn't tell me?"

"For the same reason you didn't tell me. I was afraid of being judged and I didn't trust my best friends enough," he said looking into my tear filled eyes.

My initial shock slowly faded into realization. That's what all that BB cream is for, to hide his scars. And, that's why he never goes swimming. Come to think of it, he acts just like I do when it comes to me skin. How did I not know? I thought for a second. Of course I didn't know. I'm so stupid...

He cleared his throat, blinking away his tears. "There was no way you could have known. Don't think there was," he said starting up the car again. "We don't have to talk about this now, but just know that I'm here when you wanna talk."

I was, once again, speechless. Wow. So he knows. Everyone knows apparently. Relief washed over me. Maybe... maybe we can do something about it then. Maybe last night was the last time. The last time I'll ever have to hurt alone. I looked down at my own shielded arms. I'm not alone now.

I looked up at Jiyoung with a tender look. He was clearly shaken having to have exposed his scars like that, but the raw emotion made me feel like I could get passed all this. Like there was some hope for me after all. I smiled faintly.

Jiyoung...

**_A/N:_**

**_Hey guys!_**

**_Yep. Definitely more satified with this rewrite. It feels more real, don't you think? The next one will also be rewritten, but after that the story is different. So look forward to the fourth chapter! Very different plot! The next chapter will be up either by Sunday or on Sunday, but that's subject to change. If it's not up Sunday then you know it changed. Lol. So see you hopefully Sunday! _**

**_Till then,_**

**_MAshid Author-nim~_**


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